Fighting For Our Front Porch Moment

My favorite types of shots in movies and on TV are where the first scene is in the future. Then, it goes to a quick cut out and you read something like “24 hours earlier.” It really makes me want to know everything that happened leading up to that first scene!

Insert that type of scene here:

Cody and I are standing on our front porch, waving as our last child pulls out of the drive on his or her way to either college or just moving away. We have our arms around one another with a small tear in our eye and a bittersweet smile; we look at each other with excitement and just know that all is well.

In small groups and in our observation of people around us, Cody and I hear the same things over and over: “In raising our kids, we lost who we were as a couple; when they moved out, we fell apart.”

When we first got married hearing those stories sparked a little panic. Is that inevitable? Is this our peak and then it gets bad? Why should we have kids if our only purpose is to raise them as we grow apart?

Fortunately, that uneasy feeling of fear subsided as we continued to attend small groups at Highlands. Each one stressed more and more that our marriages are something to work for. You don’t find a good marriage; you build one. (Thank you, Jesus for leading us to our church home that speaks so much truth!)

Since recognizing a common theme in empty nesters and even in people smack in the middle of parenting, Cody and I talk about what building a good marriage looks like. To us it means protecting our relationship; carving out intentional time for one another; finding ways to serve each other in each of our own languages; speaking words of life.

Through this season of waiting for our sweet Sullivan, we realize that the difficulty of finding the time to “build” will soon increase. We realize that our children will require so much of our time and energy and that date nights will be more difficult to plan; we also realize that every bit of that time we have to carve out, no matter how tricky it is to plan or how much we miss our babies, will be worth it then and in the long run. We realize that we will have moments when we want to be selfish, but we also know that choosing ourselves every time drives a wedge. We realize that life will be full of ups and downs, but let me tell you, we are buckled in and ready for the ride!

We are bound and determined to write our own story, one unlike so many that we hear. Losing ourselves and each other is not an option, and taking time to love one another will not be a burden, but a blessing!

“Empty nesters” is not a title we’ll have for quite some time, at least 18 years, but we are planning ahead. We are fighting for our front porch moment now. We made a time capsule of the things that we love to do now, both together and individually and plan to open it back up after our last kiddo leaves the house. We want to be reminded of how we spent our time and what made us fall in love. So, when we hug our kiddos out of the house, we can look at each other and say, “here’s our next chapter...together....stronger than ever.”

So, my challenge to you today is, no matter what season, look ahead. Plan ahead by reflecting on what you can do now; start with the end in mind. Whether it be in your relationships, career, or personal goals, make a strategy and fight for your front porch moment. The work you put in will be worth it.