Six Months of Sully

My sunshiny Sully,

You are the fault line of my life: the permanent cut to mark my before and after. Somehow, through the last six months as a mom, that cut simultaneously changed me and kept me just the same. You are my indicator, the instrument to track my growth and cement my former self.

Before you were born, I was creative, selfish, disciplined, sleepy (well, I thought); a planner, a traveler, and a homebody; I loved working out, stitching, painting globes; I was just learning to bake. I was confident in the work I did at my job and insecure in my roles as a domesticated woman. I was passionate about building a strong marriage and woke up early to study the Bible. I didn't cry all that much, and I could be pretty shy. I hung out with my friends the best I could, and your dad and I spent whole days doing nothing.

You are here now, and I still feel selfish; I’m still sleepy; I still love exercising my creativity. Your dad and I still spend weekends doing nothing but now we have a plus one. I’m even more passionate about building a strong marriage because now we have an example to set for you. We still see our friends, but now our activities are planned around babysitters and sleep schedules.

Who am I has changed, though, too: I’m more confident in my role at home. You are my work, and at the end of most days, I’m proud. I don’t get to stitch or paint like I used to, but I get to have fun with your monthly pictures and finding activities for you. Working out in a group setting took a back seat but now we go on more walks together and count the squirrels. My Bible study time is sometimes spent while pumping or at night instead of early morning, but it still happens. My shyness has all but gone out the window; having an extroverted baby who smiles at everyone has helped that. The threshold for me crying has dropped to an extremely low place: all it takes is a smile or an old picture of you.

When you were first born, the divide between old me and new me seemed as wide as the ocean. I panicked when I realized the enneagram 3 in me would have to find new ways to “achieve.” Listening to my healing body telling me to slow down infuriated me. Finding quiet time seemed impossible! Now that we have a groove, I realize that yes, there is a split-a permanent, deep split-but it’s not as wide as I initially thought. I'm still the me I was before-I'm just marked by a boy who fills my days with giggles and smiles. Now that you are getting on a schedule, I can hop the gap to parts of the old me to enjoy but honestly, I rather stay on the “new” side and grow there, being sure to bring some of the “before Sully” parts with me.

You have motivated the old me to better myself in ways I didn’t even know I wanted to, and I’m working to be the best “new” me possible: you’ve challenged me to spend more time with God, to put aside what I want and tend to those around me, to stay active, even if it looks different than my fitness classes, so we can play as long as you want. My relationship with your dad is top priority because I want you to enter into your relationships knowing what healthy looks like. I want to continue to create and imagine so that I can show you that boys can be creative too! Baking is still something I’m working on, and because of your milk protein allergy, I’m starting off learning how to make things healthier.

What I'm trying to say, sweet boy, is that you've drastically improved the parts of me that needed fixing, and the strengths I had are exercised differently through time spent with you. Motherhood has a way of pruning and refining, and I'm hoping to grow better and stronger.

One Second Everyday: Month 6

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Size/Growth: On March 11th at your check up, you weighed 17 pounds and were 26 inches long. Just two weeks later (after some crazy projectile sickness), you weighed 17 pounds 11 ounces! Eleven ounces in two weeks; you are growing so quickly!! I didn’t realize how skinny your legs used to be until I saw a picture back to back of then and now; I love your roly poly legs! You are officially in 6 month clothes, so we have a new batch of outfits.

Since you've been sleeping all night, we've noticed a drastic growth in your development. You now have different consonant sounds mixed into your babble, and you respond to us in new ways. While you still have no interest in rolling over, you can whip your head and body around to see whatever it is that you really want to see. At night, we lay you down in the crib with your head facing the window, and by the next morning, you've wiggled yourself the opposite direction. You can also sit up unassisted and love to rub your feet on your mat and grab at your toys on the floor.

Sleep: Sweet boy, I’ve never been more happy to report about sleep! You are officially sleeping through the night in your own bed!! I honestly was at my breaking point because you were getting up 4-6 times every night and were hard to get to sleep. I purchased the Taking Cara Babies sleep program, watched the videos, and bunkered down with you and Dad to complete the 2 week program. In the two weeks prior, we transitioned you out of your swaddle, stopped feeding you to help you go to sleep, and solidified our night time routine. Mama printed out reminders and encouragement and taped them up so that if our nights were difficult, our “why” would be visible. You surprised us, though! On night TWO you were sleeping twelve hours! You officially graduated the two week program, and we’re on to conquer naps! We are crazy proud of you! Now I get up before the rest of the house just like I used to, and it’s put me back to feeling like myself again.

With this program, you conquer night sleep and then naps, so we've gotten a lot of snuggles during nap times since we retired the trusty Rock N Play. When you got sick, I paused nap training for a few days, so we'll start back up next week.

Eating/Food: One of the points in the sleep training videos was that you’d probably start eating more in the day to store calories up for night. It proved true for you! Honestly, the thought of providing more milk scared me because I was barely ahead of you as it was. God created mom bodies do amazingly, though, because my milk supply increased. Each morning I pump anywhere between 14-17 ounces which sets us up well for the day! Pfew!

This month, we also started Baby Led Weaning. The basis behind it is that you start with whole foods, cut into grab-able sizes instead of purées. So far, you’ve tried cucumber, sweet potato, toast, avocado, banana, hummus, and yogurt. With this style of food introductions, you don’t consume much of the food at first; it’s about learning to grasp, learning textures, and tastes. In just two weeks, you’ve improved your grasp to mouth so much and you are actually eating a little bit! Sitting at the supper table together is a dream come true; talking over a delicious meal as a family is part of my love language, so even though you can’t talk yet, I can see a glimpse of what is to come.

Likes/Dislikes:

-You LOVE church! It's your favorite day of the week, and you smile so big at everybody.

-Sitting up is your new favorite way to play, and you are so intrigued by your feet.

-We've read books to you since you were born, but now you track the pictures with your eyes; the teacher in me is here for it! Bring on all the books!

-Honestly, you have very few dislikes: you are go with the flow now that you feel better, so we are having the best time!

Favorite Moments: -I never thought I’d count this as a favorite, but you had your first daytime bath due to diaper blowout this month. I feel like I need a Girl Scout style outfit where I get mom badges on it; I definitely earned this one.

-You and I made our longest solo trip yet. We drove to visit your Shuga and then to visit Grandma and Granddaddy and then Jeeps. You screamed like a crazy person almost the entire ride down there, and I had to stop four times to hold you, but you were sweet the rest of the trip to make up for it.

-You’ve started to catch onto the games I’ve been playing with you, and I love it!! “Where’s Sully?” And “Hey! I love you!” get the biggest reaction. My personal favorite is when we start to laugh, you start to laugh. You also giggle soooo big when Dad tickles you. It’s. The. Cutest.

-Fun Family Fridays have become a tradition, and recently, we've been tying a movie into our food theme. Cooking while we listen to music, eating at the table together and then snuggling on the couch to watch a movie...It makes me cry thinking about these small little things are making such a huge memory for me (and hopefully eventually for you.)

Prayer Focus: This month I’ve been praying for you to be in tune with God’s voice in your life. He can speak in many ways, and my prayer is that you will recognize Him. God has been so sweet to my mama heart these last six months; I truly could not parent through the tough times without knowing that He is there, that you are His, that He loves us.

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My life will never be the same now, Sully. I’ve shed the old and am beyond excited for the new with you. While you grow and learn, so will I.

Love,

Mom

#newborn #sixmonths