Seven Months of Sully

My smart Sully,

Last year around this time, I kept fixating on Matthew 28:6 of the Easter story: “just as He said.” Jesus made many promises in his short time on Earth, one of them being that he would rise again (John 2:18-22). I could feel the triumph of this particular statement deep in my heart. "Just as He said!" Jesus had kept his promise! He rose from the grave!

What does this have to do with you, you may ask? Your dad and I had been secretly celebrating you, and on Easter, we told everyone our news. During that time, in all of the excitement, I kept thinking about how God’s promises were holding true in my life: just as He said! We're having our baby! But, now, as I reflect back after one year, my heart has been challenged: God didn’t promise me a baby: were the words of Jesus actually true for my life? Would I think they were even if you weren't here right now? Would I think the same about Jesus in the Easter season if it took longer to meet you? Would I believe that God is good even if things didn’t go my way?

I’d like to think yes, but I just can’t confidently say that for this time last year. See, getting what you want does not dictate who God is or his goodness. Lysa Terkeurst said, "God loves us too much to answer our prayer at any other time than the right time," and I so believe that now. It just happened to be the right time to meet you, and I praised him every single day for it. Over the last 365 days, though, God has helped me begin to understand who He is, how He loves us so, and what He wants from me and for me. Through Bible study, life experience, friends, getting to know you, and prayer, now I see: God is always good; God loves me more than fathomable; and God’s promises for my life do hold true. He doesn’t guarantee an easy life or to give us what we want. He isn’t a genie, granting whispered wishes, nor is He surprised by my prayers. He knows the desires of my heart, even when I don't fully know them myself yet. You came into our lives easier than expected, but that fact does not determine how God feels about me or define who God is.

Regardless of where I am today-baby or no baby, happy or sad-God is the same then, now, and forever. God sent Jesus to save us from our sins and to bridge our access to Him. I’ll never fully understand Jesus, but I do know that He rose...just as He said. So this month, let me tell you some promises directly from Jesus. May you hear them, know them, and live a life believing they are steadfast and true:

-Matthew 11:28: "...I will give you rest."

-John 14: 27: "...I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart."

-Matthew 6:33: "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

-Matthew 28: 6: "And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

-John 8:32: "And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

-John 3:16: "He gave his one and only son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

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Food/Eating:

Finally, our food situation seems to be uneventful! After seeing that a certain brand of toast was making you throw up and that the brand before that made you a little itchy, I've cut out most gluten. It doesn't seem to bother your skin or belly if I have an occasional bagel or flour tortilla, so I'm just keeping it down to a very small amount each week. We did notice, though, after each breakfast of eggs that I had, your skin went crazy again. So, sadly for me, I'm also egg free. That now means that I mostly don't eat dairy, soy, gluten, or eggs. Because of the limited amounts of food that I can have combined with the number of calories I need to consume to keep producing milk, I've had to cut my workouts altogether. We still go on walks almost every day, but even those I can tell affect my milk supply if I don't eat even more than what I think I need. I've learned so so much about the "health food" industry, about nutrition labels, and restaurant preparations, and I hope to carry this on into my life as much as possible after I'm done pumping.

For Baby Led Weaning, we slowed it down a bit after the toast, but started back strongly this past week. Your fine motor skills are improving each day, so now you can really get things into your mouth and you are slowly beginning to understand the chewing mechanism. Your favorites are banana and cucumber.

I did donate the rest of the frozen milk that I had stored prior to you becoming allergic to all of this. I cried probably too much over it, but you couldn't have it and another sweet baby did. There were a lot of hours, heart, and effort in those bags, and I'm glad that it will help another little boy grow big and strong.

Size:

At your last doctor's appointment on April 18th, you weighed 18 pounds 6.5 ounces and were 26.5 inches long. You are in the 57th percentile for weight and 27th for height; your growth has slowed down this month, so we're getting more wear out of some clothes! I do wish I had a dollar for every person that commented on your thighs: we could buy you a lifetime of clothes! I can't blame them, though; they are squishy and adorable!

Sleep:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow! You sleep through the night still! We've had a handful of nights where you wake up crying and won't be soothed back to sleep without snuggles and a bottle, but other than that, you are a rockstar sleeper! You are down between 7:00-7:30 each night and up between 6:30-7:30. I will sing Taking Cara Babies sleep training program praises all of my days!

I was really nervous about traveling and your sleep, but once again, you made us so proud! We set up the pack and play in our bedroom at my mom's house, and tried to replicate as much as our routine as possible. A bath and book, sound machine, lavender, sleep sack, really dark room: you did awesome!

Our naps are a little more inconsistent with times and lengths, but just this week we've started to notice you putting yourself on a more regular daytime sleep schedule. You always take a nap in your crib for the first nap of the day around 9:00 a.m., and the other ones depend on our activities. Sometimes it's in the car; sometimes Mom or Dad rock you; sometimes it's in the crib. These don't stress me as badly because I will never tire of staring at you while we rock.

Likes/Dislikes:

-You are starting to show attachment to your dad and especially me lately and dislike other people holding you. And while, I'll admit, it is really cute to watch you bury your head into my neck to hide from someone, it is something we're going to work on. We did this a little over Easter, and you warmed up to our family, so I know it's just going to take some practice, especially since you and I spend a lot of time together. I can promise you that if we are letting someone hold you, we trust them; it's just hard for you to understand that we will always come back, but we will!. You do still love people: you just prefer them to stay out of your space. (Mom kind of feels the same way ;p .)

-You LOVE playing by yourself in your toy basket. You pick out what you want to play with each morning after your first bottle and just sit and laugh and look around. We've moved our playing to the porch some mornings, and the birds really hold your attention.

-With your new sleep schedule, you are less flexible at night time and sometimes melt down close to bedtime, so small group has been a little trickier. You love watching the other boys and girls, though!

Favorite Moments: You have learned so much! Lately, you’ve started copying us. About half of the time that we clap at you, you put your hands together and smile. You’re so close to clapping! Somehow you’ve taught yourself peekaboo with a blanket, and it’s adorable!

Easter was egg-stra special this year! It was another one of those "these are the days" moments that made me step back and really soak in life. It was filled with crafts, egg hunts, snuggles, family, and Jesus. You were able to somewhat grab one egg, took a picture with the Easter bunny, sat in church and talked to the choir, and sat with so many people. Easter always held huge weight for me personally as I feel so grateful for Jesus, but now it's even more meaningful as salvation is available to you too!

We all three went to The Farmer's Market one Saturday for their event, and it was a sweet glimpse into what Saturdays will look like from now on: little outings with lots of fun! You didn't even blink an eye at the big animals; in fact, you didn't even act like you knew they were there! It was funny to watch because you were more interested in the people!

I also have enjoyed getting creative with how we spend our time! Sometimes I need to clean or organize, but don't always want to make a big deal out of it, so I'll stick you in the laundry basket or the bathtub padded with blankets. You think it's fun!

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A huge reason that I went on this trip of learning who God is is because I have to believe that what He says also holds true for your life as well. Sometimes I can know these things, but my heart doesn’t jump on board. My prayer is that you won’t just learn about Jesus in your head, but you will know Him in your heart. I love you; Dad loves you; Jesus loves you most of all.

Love,

Mom