Eleven Months of Sully

My builder baby,

It’s your last official “month” birthday, and I truly cannot wrap my mind around it. You’ve grown so so much that it hurts. My counselor and I talk about the grief cycle of motherhood; it’s all things beautiful and painful. There’s a constant circling of grieving the baby you were yesterday, celebrating your current milestones of today, and looking forward to your future successes. Thankfully, those emotions can all operate at the same time. Otherwise, watching you grow would be too much to bear.

Even though you don’t understand me yet, I tell you all the time that it’s okay to express your feelings, and it's okay if you feel more than one thing at a time. The current culture will tell you that men aren't supposed to express their emotions, and the world is also so divisive-communicating that you HAVE to think all of one way or nothing at all.

The world lies. Masculinity is often portrayed as not having any emotions, but that’s not how it has to look at all. Feelings are indicators that something is right or wrong, whether it be in your heart or within the situation. They don’t have to be dictators of your life, but by listening to the Holy Spirit you can use those feelings to serve, encourage, and love others.

Emotions are tricky, complicated, and tangly, and it is completely normal to need time to sort through them. It’s possible to feel several things at once, to not be able to instantly figure out if your angry or happy or sad, and that’s perfectly okay. You can feel excited about a trip but still miss home. You can feel sad about leaving the park but also feel thankful that you can go back. You can be scared and be brave at the same time. In fact, some emotions have to coexist. Bravery is not possible without fear. Gratitude can be passed by if there weren’t moments of difficulty.

You make this face now when you are curious!

Dad and I will do our best to not tell you to “suck it up” or “brush it off.” We’ll nudge you to be courageous or guide you to pinpoint why you might feel a certain way, but your feelings are important.

Bottom line, buddy: you can feel; you can process; you can be emotionally healthy.

One Second Everyday

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Size: You haven't been weighed this month, but as of July 24, you weighed 20 pounds, 9 ounces. Your nine month clothes are officially in the vacuum sealed bag labeled “too small,” so everything you wear right now is size 12 month. We've committed to the minimalist outlook on clothing for you going forwards: a set of onesies, jammies, and a few play and church outfits. It's simplified our life not having to make sure you get to wear everything in a size before you outgrow it, and your closet has more room.

Eating/Milk: For a while there, you dropped a feeding, sometimes two but during this last leap, you started eating like a hoss again! That was totally fine with me except that I had dropped a pump session in response. After dipping into our freezer stash, I decided to power pump for a couple of days and build my supply back up. My plan now is to just continue to pump my 30 ounce average every day until you are weaned and then wean myself off my pump separately.

With only a taste of anything with gluten and egg, you have tried 97 foods without gluten, egg, dairy, or soy in the mix! We are almost to 100! Your favorites right now are blueberries (always a favorite), parsnips, and turkey sausage. We've stopped feeding you bananas, as they make you itch.

Sleep:

No news is good news! You do get delirious sometimes when it's close to your nap, but we've got your nap times down to a near science now. We have to stretch your wake times some days so you'll take the best nap, but it ends up being a funny time.

Growth/New Developments:

-You are still dancing to any type of beat, and you love when we dance with you!

-Now that you know how to wave, you are stingy with who gets one, and it's funny to watch!

-You hug your animals and us, and I'm all about it!

-You can now drink out of the 360 cup and are almost there completely unsupervised with the open cup!

Favorite Moments:

-Twenty-one Days of Prayer started a few weeks ago, and Dad and I have been trading off mornings to go in person and to stream from home. It's been the sweetest watching you dance to worship and walking around with you praying over your life. On Saturdays, we all go together since it's later in the morning, and what a joy it is to pray with y'all and for y'all! God is moving in our family, and I know He has big plans for you!

-You and Dad built a busy board for you to play with, and it's a hit! Your favorite parts are the door stop and the toilet paper roll. You know how to throw a block down the pipe.

-You and I have started to get more involved in the Moms Blogs coffee strolls on Monday mornings and have started going to storytime at the library. It's a win/win because you are out and about seeing more and more, and I get to socialize with other moms.

-We traveled for Shuga's birthday, and we visited the Safari Park to celebrate. It was more fun than I thought it would be! I knew we adults would like it for sure, but you did too! It was adorable watching you stick your head out the window to see what was coming around. Once, though, a camel did stick his head in the car, and you acted like it was no big deal-like you see them all the time! We also stopped and had lunch with Grandma and Granddaddy; you loved the steak, peas, and turnips!

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I do need to add this phrase to remember: facts over feelings. You may be thinking, "Mom, you just told me feelings were okay and normal; why do you say that?" I say that because, as you grow, your hormones and friends and culture will try to dictate how you feel. Learn to tune them out and tune in to what God says. Remember how I said they are indicators but not dictators? Your feelings may say a situation is hopeless; they may say you are not enough; they may make you question your beliefs. You may feel a certain way, but always (ALWAYS!) refer back to what God says about a matter: He is hope; you are enough because you are a son of God; He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

Love,

Mom